9 Best Jokes From Jimmy Kimmel’s Emmys Monologue

Host of 68th annual Primetime Emmy Awards blames “Celebrity Apprentice” producer Mark Burnett for rise of Donald Trump

Last Updated: September 18, 2016 @ 5:45 PM

Host Jimmy Kimmel pulled no punches during his opening monologue at the Primetime Emmys on Sunday, and took aim at the Oscars, presidential candidate Donald Trump and Maggie Smith, among others.

Following a pre-taped intro showing Kimmel’s journey to the Microsoft Theatre in downtown Los Angeles — featuring “The People v. O.J.” star Malcolm Jamal Warner, “Carpool Karaoke” host James Corden and former presidential candidate Jeb Bush — the host took the stage to throw quips at some of TV’s biggest stars.

Here are some of Kimmel’s best zingers:

“The rest of you, if your show doesn’t have a dragon, or a white Bronco in it, go home now.”

“Everyone in L.A. knows, if you want to win, sit next to Marcia Clark.”

“Hi, Marcia. This must be very strange for you. Are you rooting for O.J. to win this time?”

“Here in Hollywood, the only thing we love more than diversity is congratulating ourselves for our diversity.”

“The Emmys are so diverse this year, the Oscars are now telling people we’re one of their closest friends. We’re not, by the way.”

“If you’re a person of color here tonight, just take a moment to find a white person … and take a moment to thank them for their bravery.”

Mark Burnett, the man who brought us ‘Celebrity Apprentice.’ Thanks to Mark Burnett, we don’t have to watch reality shows because we’re living in one.”

“Who do you have lined up to fill the spot on the Supreme Court, Miley Cyrus or Cee Lo?”

“[Maggie Smith] has the same reaction [to being nominated] the rest of us have when we get that 20 percent off Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons in the mail. Right in the garbage.”