Believe it or not, Jimmy Kimmel and Ted Cruz once played a one-on-one basketball game for charity. It came in happier times, of course, in 2018, after the ABC late-night host had tweeted the Republican Texas senator looked like a “blobfish” in a photo at an NBA playoff game.
One thing led to another, and – challenge accepted. Nearly three years later, Cruz decided to take on Kimmel again Monday night.
It didn’t end pretty.
“Once again – I have found myself in a squabble – with the Senate’s least-favorite senator, Ted Cruz,” Kimmel said, using the affront to kick off his “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” monologue.
You see, Cruz took offense to Kimmel’s jab in Monday’s show at the senator’s retweet of a comparison between a Russian propaganda ad for its army and an ad for the U.S. Army that features a female soldier raised by two mothers. Cruz’s take was in unquestionably poor taste and referred to the U.S. military as “woke and emasculated.”
“Which I pointed out – fairly, I thought – is funny coming from a guy who – let Donald Trump use his testicles – on the driving range,” Kimmel said Tuesday night.
On Monday, as your fearless writers at TheWrap often do, it was pointed out that Kimmel had once again taken Cruz hard to the hole. Cruz had then retweeted the piece from TheWrap to stir the pot — and Kimmel’s emotions about the 2018 game.
And again it was on.
Oh Ted… you get so sad after you masturbate. https://t.co/8fxCzUNwqg— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) May 25, 2021
Kimmel then followed up Tuesday night to correct the record on the game, which was played at a basketball arena in Houston in front of a surprisingly large crowd and went to 11 points, with Cruz eventually crowned as champion, though money went to charities of both sides.
“It’s true – I do have to live with that forever. You have to live with being Ted Cruz forever which is a lot – so much worse,” Kimmel zinged.
But Kimmel continued.
“Anyway, 9-11, by the way, was the score of our game – he had 11 points, I had nine points. It’s funny – you know, he posted this video – it’s edited so you only see the shots he made. And he’s so proud of himself,” Kimmel said.
“Meanwhile – neither one of us had anything to be proud of as far as that game is concerned. Between us – this is true – we made 20 shots. You know how many shots we missed? Yeah, more than 25. Two hundred is the number — 200 shots. We shot like 10% from the field. That game was uglier than him, OK? The charities we were playing for – almost refused to accept the money!”
Watch Kimmel’s entire monologue above or here.