The Onion Mocks Abortion Ruling With Now-Conceivable Decisions: ‘Supreme Court Votes 5-4 to Reopen Japanese Internment Camps’

The satire publication filled its homepage with a score of not-so-laughable headlines

The Onion

The Onion, increasingly less a satire publication and more a ruthless analyzer of current events, lambasted the Supreme Court over its 5-4 reversal of Roe v. Wade Friday by filling its homepage with scathingly mock headlines it deemed now possible after the ruling.

“The Onion isn’t taking any prisoners today,” one user observed, linking an image of the site’s homepage.

The Onion’s front page was indeed littered with stories that ridiculed the decision, with headlines that read:

  • Supreme Court Rules 5-4 To Reopen Japanese Internment Camps
  • Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Throw Beer Bottle At Slut
  • Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Lock Nation’s Toddlers In Hot Car
  • Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Drive Slowly Alongside Woman Walking Home Alone At Night
  • Supreme Court Rules 5-4 To Add Jesus Into All Paintings
  • Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Make It Illegal For Women To Deceive Men With Makeup
  • Supreme Court Rules 5-4 To Baptize Constitution
  • Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Reclassify Women As Service Animals

The Onion similarly admonished the nation’s governing systems last month in the wake of the Uvalde, Texas, elementary school shooting, filling its landing page with the same headline, which read “No Way To Prevent This, Says Only Nation Where This Happens.”

On Friday, the self-described “Finest News Source” in America quickly began trending on Twitter for its merited takedown of the Court, also publishing headlines like “Kavanaugh, Thomas Champion Creating Better Future For Next Generation Of Rapists.”