Conservative commentator Tucker Carlson (Jeremy Culhane) crashed “Weekend Update” during tonight’s “Saturday Night Live” Season 52 premiere to throw some shade toward this year’s biggest summer movies.
“Let’s find our seats, silence our cell phones and abandon Christian values,” Culhane’s Carlson announced at the top of the segment. When “Weekend Update” co-host Colin Jost asked him if he had seen Christopher Nolan’s “The Odyssey” this past summer, Carlson responded, “Oh yes. ‘The Odyssey’ in IMAX 70mm. That’s right. The Hollywood cabal shoots its filth with ‘millimeters,’ or as I like to call it, ‘The Gay Inch.’”
Culhane’s Carlson later turned his attention to this summer’s biggest movie, “Spider-Man: Brand New Day.” Unfortunately, the conservative pundit found plenty to dislike with Tom Holland’s latest big-screen Spider-Man outing.
“Everybody loves ‘Spider-Man: Brand New Gender.’ Spider-They, Spider-Them, uses whatever bathroom it feels like,” Carlson cynically joked. Moments later, he ordered the “SNL” audience to “stop” clapping after he noted that Holland and “Brand New Day” co-star Zendaya got married this year.
“I now pronounce you, Mr. and Mrs… Huh? She refused to take his last name?” Culhane’s Carlson asked. When Jost noted that Zendaya “doesn’t have a last name,” Carlson inquired, “But where did it go? And who took it? And why? Sorry, kids, you don’t get two names anymore! You only get one name! Like a dog! That’s the rule. That’s the goal now.”
You can watch the full “SNL” segment yourself below.
Carlson went on to find plenty wrong with “Obsession,” this year’s biggest surprise box office hit. The film follows a young man (Michael Johnston) whose use of a wish-granting device to make his crush (Inde Navarrette) fall in love with him leads to increasingly dangerous consequences. Culhane’s conservative commentator called it left-wing propaganda.
“The Left’s idea of a horror movie is that a woman is forced to love a man. ‘Oh no! Help! I’m being chased by a heterosexual relationship!’” he joked, asking, “Is this what we want? I don’t. Do you? You shouldn’t. But you do! Why? Is that allowed?”
“I’ve lost my train of thought,” Culhane’s Carlson subsequently admitted, only to continue asking, “But where did it go? Why?” Moments later, he noted that it was a “big summer” for “Minions & Monsters” — only to clarify that he was not talking about the animated “Despicable Me” spin-off.
“I’m talking about the Trump cabinet,” he announced, mimicking Carlson’s real-life stance on the Trump administration. “That’s right. I’ve turned on Trump. I’m so brave!”
