President Trump created a $1.8 billion fund paid for by taxpayers this week, which he says is meant for people who feel they were wronged by the Biden Justice Department. But, Stephen Colbert doesn’t actually think those people will be the ones to get the money.
To kick off his monologue on Tuesday night, the CBS host conceded that, though this is his final week of shows, he still had an exciting announcement about “The Late Show.”
“No, this is actually very exciting. We may be canceled, but apparently ‘The Late Show’ has outlived the Constitution of the United States,” he quipped. “Because yesterday, without any congressional or court approval, completely unilaterally, Donald Trump gave himself a $1.8 billion taxpayer-fueled slush fund.”
Many have speculated that the January 6 rioters, who Trump fully pardoned, will be first in line to collect some of this money, and the president himself has hinted that they are the target recipients. Colbert doubts it though.
“But they won’t, because Trump’s going to steal it all,” he said. “Why is that my educated guess? Because the funds are going to be managed by a 5-person commission appointed by the Attorney General, though Trump would have the right to remove any member at will.”
So, the late night host offered his congratulations to the very first panel.
“Marco Rubio, Marco Rubio, Marco Rubio, Marco Rubio, and Marco Rubio,” Colbert joked, adding an accented flair and a mustache to the final Rubio. “He’s from Venezuela. I think that last guy’s from Venezuela.”
Colbert also took issue with a particular stipulation of the fund, which noted that “once the funds are deposited into the designated account, the United States has no liability whatsoever for the protection or safeguarding of those funds, regardless of bank failure, fraudulent transfers, or any other fraud or misuse of the funds.”
“So it’s just an all-you-can-fraud buffet!” Colbert bellowed. “It’s an unprecedented level of grift, because again, funds of this scale typically are either created by an act of Congress or supervised by a court, and this settlement is just some piece of paper they printed out saying that Trump can do anything he wants with a bunch of your money.”
You can watch Stephen Colbert’s full monologue in the video above.
