Voter Fraud. Hanging chads… they’ve got nothing on Florida’s latest gubernatorial race scandal.
In a segment “The Daily Show” has dubbed “The Last Perspiration of Crist,” host Jon Stewart tears apart the great “Crist Ball Fan” scandal of 2014, in which current Republican Florida Governor Rick Scott at first refused to appear on stage to debate Democratic challenger (and former Governor) Charlie Crist, because Crist had a small fan under his podium pointing upward towards his nether regions.
“We have been told that Gov. Rick Scott will not be participating in this debate,” the moderator begins.
Also see Stephen Colbert‘s take on the Florida governor’s debate:
Stephen Colbert Rips Rick Scott, Charlie Crist’s ‘Fangate’ Debate With ‘CSI: Miami’ Homage (Video)
“A debate must have at least two parties to be considered a debate… otherwise it’s a masturbate,” Stewart interjects.
So, why wasn’t Gov. Scott willing to participate in the debate?
Stewart explains: “Gov. Rick Scott of Florida has refused to debate former Gov. of Florida Crist, because Gov. Crist has a small fan, which appears to be providing a small amount of respite for his presumably sweaty balls.”
“Is there anything wrong with being comfortable?” Crist reasonably asked the moderator after being informed that his debate partner was refusing to participate.
“The Daily Show” then points out that a similar “fan incident” apparently occurred back in 2006 as well — when Crist was running for Governor as a Republican — and he and his opponent ended up sharing the fan. Apparently, such bi-partisanship no longer exists.
Eventually, however, Rick Scott did appear to debate his opponent.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry… we could’ve delved into all of the actual awful answers Rick Scott gave in the debate about his horrifying policies for Florida,” Stewart continues. “But that is not nearly as fun as him missing nearly four minutes of a debate because his opponent had a fan pointed at his balls.”
Stewart then throws to Senior Correspondent Samantha Bee who joins him from a science laboratory dubbed Florida’s “Scrotagen Labs” to chart the state’s long political tradition of “electoral ball cool-ery,” ranging from Andrew Jackson’s inauguration as the state’s first governor, to the 2000 presidential race “when hundreds of Broward County ballots were rendered indecipherable due to copious amounts of ball sweat.”
Only in America folks… only in America.
Watch the hilarious clip from Thursday night’s “Daily Show,” above.