Stephen Colbert mocked President Trump Thursday night for threatening to invoke the Insurrection Act over Minnesotans’ ongoing ICE protests, dryly remarking, “Well, that’ll calm everybody down.”
“I don’t know about you folks, but I have found the first couple of weeks of 2026 to be a Grade-A extra crispy cluster munch of suckitude,” Colbert admitted at the top of his “Late Show” monologue Thursday evening. The late night host went on to note that Minnesota remains “under siege by masked armed goons victimizing American citizens” and that, rather than trying to calm matters in the state, Trump has instead threatened to invoke the Insurrection Act.
“I’m sure Minnesotans will just love that,” Colbert joked in response. “That’s why all the protesters’ signs say, ‘ICE, go home, then come back in a tank.’” The “Late Show” host then informed his viewers of the “fun fact” that the Insurrection Act allows the sitting U.S. president to deploy members of the military or federalize the national guard with the intent to contain an insurrection in any state.
Pretending to grab his ear piece, Colbert joked, “Hold on. I’m being given a correction. That fact was… not fun. My mistake.” In order to combat both that Trump threat and the recent news that ICE accidentally sent numerous new recruits into the field without proper training, Colbert replayed the now-viral clip of an ICE agent slipping and falling on an extremely icy Minneapolis street.
“Technically, we don’t know if that guy’s trained or not, but I will watch that video on a loop,” Colbert said, joking, “That is my love language.” You can watch his full “Late Show” monologue yourself below.
Moving away from the protests in Minneapolis, Colbert announced, “In international news, no one likes us! Because Trump continues to insist he’s going to take over Greenland. The reason, he has got a reason, is, uh, ‘Something, something, national security, my dad never went to my little league games.’”
Unfortunately, the “Late Show” host did not find much solace in Denmark Foreign Affairs Minister Lars Løkke Rasmussen’s confirmation that Greenland’s special forces include dog sled riders. “Oh my god. We’re going to send the Marines to kill Paw Patrol,” Colbert said in response, adding, “We’re… We’re not really going to do that — that I know of.”
Following a clip of Rasmussen saying he hopes Trump does not actually want to invade Greenland, Colbert told the Danish official, “As someone who has spent a lot of time hoping Trump doesn’t do stuff he eventually does, let me give you a little tip, sir. If you put wine in a travel mug, you can drink lying down. Did you know that? I know that.”
“You know who’s pretty sure the United States is going to invade a NATO country? NATO!” Colbert concluded. “Yesterday, Germany announced they are sending troops to Greenland, making it the first time in human history anyone ever said, ‘Good news. The German troops are on the way!’”
