Jimmy Kimmel commemorated Congress going back into session in the new year by pointedly asking Tuesday night, “How are we already looking at another possible shutdown?”
“Congress is back in session,” Kimmel told his viewers, before noting, “The first order of business for Congress is to try to avoid another government shutdown at the end of this month.” Not only did the “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” host ask how that was already a possibility again, but he also reminded those watching, “The last one ended in November!”
“Our government is running like the ice cream machine at McDonald’s,” the comedian joked. Of course, Kimmel acknowledged that U.S. public officials have “a lot on their plate” right now, including the release of the Epstein Files, which is still ongoing.
“So far, the Justice Department has released 12,000 files, which sounds like a lot of files until you realize there are 2 million more. They are only 6% of the way there,” Kimmel explained. “If these files were ‘Harry Potter’ books, we’re not even at Hogwarts yet. We’re still in the station.”
Pivoting, Kimmel noted that, in the wake of his administration’s successful capture of Venezuelan dictator Nicolás Maduro, Trump’s “legion of dumb” has once again started talking about Greenland. “The White House is reported to be looking at a range of options to acquire Greenland, including the use of military force, which is a notion that Trump hench monster [U.S. Homeland Security Advisor] Stephen Miller says isn’t even worth discussing,” he relayed.
The ABC comedian proceeded to roll a clip of Miller telling CNN’s Jake Tapper on the air that he does not believe anyone would ever engage in a military conflict with the U.S. over control of Greenland. It was not Miller’s remarks that puzzled Kimmel, though, but the way he delivered them.
“Do you think he practices that voice in the mirror? I mean, it’s like he invented his own language,” a confused Kimmel observed. “The man is from Santa Monica, not Transylvania!” The host went on to note that Miller is rumored to be “in line” for a “top role” in the United States’ plan for Venezuela moving forward. He then played a clip of Venezuelan opposition leader María Corina Machado offering to share her 2025 Nobel Peace Prize with Trump.
Machado did as much in an interview conducted after it was reported that Trump has refrained from backing her as Venezuela’s next leader because she did not give him her Nobel Peace Prize last year. Unfortunately, Kimmel informed Machado, “Sharing is caring, and he doesn’t do that either.”
“You can’t just give someone your Nobel Prize. You can’t. As far as I know, they’re non-transferable,” Kimmel said. “Can we please stop with this idea that Trump lost the Nobel Prize? This is like saying I lost the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, okay? Let me explain it: If Jay-Z gives you his wedding ring, it doesn’t make you married to Beyoncé.”
