Jimmy Kimmel hosted his own alternative White House Correspondents’ Dinner on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live!,” saying he was taking a page from Kid Rock’s playbook.
During his monologue, Kimmel called out the annual event for choosing to have mentalist Oz Pearlman as the night’s featured act, skipping the tradition of having a comedian host.
“Typically, someone funny shows up and roasts the luminaries and the president and everyone,” Kimmel said. “But our president is a delicate snowflake with the thinnest fat skin of any human being ever. And that means there’s going to be no comedian this year.”
He continued: “So, I thought, why not take a page from the Kid Rock alternative halftime show and do some of the jokes a comedian might do if our president wasn’t a trembling drama queen who’s scared of comedy.”
At this moment, a tuxedo-clad Kimmel stepped behind the dais for the “All-American White House Correspondents Dinner,” a clear jab at Kid Rock’s prior “All-American Halftime Show” protesting Bad Bunny’s performance.
“Welcome to the 2026 White House Correspondents’ Dinner. Look at you all dressed up in formal wear, dresses, tuxedos. I haven’t seen this much black since every page of the Trump Epstein files,” Kimmel quipped. “We’re going to have fun tonight. And I’m happy you decided to stay, Mr. President. And don’t worry, if we bruise your ego, it’ll only make your hands look less disgusting.”
“The president didn’t want me to tell any jokes about him tonight, but he also didn’t want to pay me $130,000 to shut up. So, here we are. Sorry, mushroom d–k,” he continued. “In the unfortunate event that our president has a medical emergency tonight, do we have a doctor, I mean, I’m sorry. I mean, do we have a Jesus in the house? I always confuse them, too.”
Kimmel joked that he understood why Trump thought he was Jesus, noting, “Every time he walks into a room, people say, ‘Christ, he’s back.’”
Later on, Kimmel took shots at Trump’s orange complexion, asking point-blank, “Who did your makeup? Kraft singles?”
He didn’t stop there, as he also suggested that the president’s legacy would be “breaking wind and passing gas” thanks to his policies impacting wind energy and oil.
Kimmel also laid into Melania Trump, calling out her critically panned documentary.
“As you’re all aware, Melania is a movie star now. Her documentary had a score of 10% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is a website named after her husband’s testicles,” Kimmel joked. “And I want to congratulate you, Madam First Lady, on your huge accomplishment. The world’s first motionless picture.”
He then moved on to Vice President JD Vance, Stephen Miller and Kash Patel, sarcastically praising them as “a group of patriots,” before taking aim at their respective controversies.
Additionally, Kimmel ripped into FCC Chairman Brendan Carr, stating, “Back in September, he tried to get my affiliates to throw me off the air. He said we could do this the easy way or the hard way — same thing he said to Lindsey Graham 10 minutes ago in the all gender restroom.”
Watch Kimmel’s monologue in its entirety above.
“Jimmy Kimmel Live!” airs weeknights at 11:35 p.m. ET on ABC.
