Matt Damon’s Brett Kavanaugh, Colin Jost’s Pete Hegseth and Aziz Ansari’s Kash Patel bonded over drinks together in tonight’s “Saturday Night Live” cold open, with Damon’s Supreme Court justice proclaiming, “We’re gonna live forever!”
“It’s nice to have my sneaky bar here where I’m not going to run into anyone from work, because none of Trump’s people like drinking as much as I do,” Jost’s Secretary of Defense asserted at the top of the segment. Right on cue, Damon’s Kavanaugh then came roaring excitedly into frame.
“Pistol Pete! I kind of figured I was gonna find you here,” Damon’s Kavanaugh said, prompting Jost’s Hegseth to worriedly ask, “Oh, did I include you on a Signal chat by accident?” Fortunately (?), Damon’s Supreme Court judge was quick to assure him, “No, no, I just saw the women covering their drinks.”
“Can I just say? We are both kicking ass right now!” he added, to which Jost’s Secretary of Defense concurred, “Right!?! Dude, can you believe I just, like, started a war?” Damon’s Kavanaugh replied, “Can you believe I ended abortion? Hey! Your body, my choice!”
“I just wish there were more people in this administration who could really hang,” the Supreme Court justice later remarked, only for FBI Director Kash Patel (Ansari, reprising the “SNL” role for the second straight week) to loudly announce himself, asking, “Does this bar take caaaash!?!”
You can watch tonight’s “SNL” cold open yourself below.
A Secretary of War, a Supreme Court Justice, and an FBI Director walk into a bar pic.twitter.com/yGACw2vf4e
— Saturday Night Live (@nbcsnl) May 10, 2026
“Guys, check this out. I made my own FBI bourbon with my name on it!” Ansari’s Patel proudly revealed, unveiling a custom alcohol bottle that intentionally looked like the one the real-life FBI Director has reportedly been giving out as gifts. “Yes, somehow this is a real thing that I, the FBI director, has made. This is real!”
“I bring my own alcohol to bars because sometimes they think I’m a kid with a fake ID,” Ansari’s Patel explained, telling his fellow Trump appointees, “But seriously, we’re all living the American dream. I’m the first person in my family to go to college… parties many years after graduating.”
“Since we’re opening up, can I tell you guys something top secret? We’re gonna let Trump do a third term,” Damon’s Kavanaugh subsequently confided, brushing aside Hegseth’s comment about a third term being unconstitutional. “It was! But Trump found the original Constitution and at the end, he wrote, “Sike!’ We’re gonna live forever!”
The “SNL” cold open then ended with Damon’s Kavanaugh, Jost’s Hegseth and Ansari’s Patel all jumping up and down and singing “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba together straight to camera.
