James Austin Johnson’s President Trump held a jam-packed cabinet meeting in tonight’s “Saturday Night Live” cold open.
“I hope that everyone had a nice holiday and got what they wanted for Christmas. I got what I wanted: My very own Someone Else’s Nobel Prize, which I’ll cherish,” Johnson’s Trump announced, referencing María Corina Machado’s real-life gifting of her Nobel Peace Prize to Trump. The president went on to brag about pulling off a “reverse Santa” on Venezuelan dictator Nicolás Maduro before finally bringing in some prominent members of his cabinet.
“These guys are great. They’re helping me do so many illegal-ish things to try to get people to stop talking about Epstein,” Johnson’s Trump said, while standing next to Secretary of State Marco Rubio (Marcello Hernández) and the “new and improved” Vice President JD Vance (Jeremy Culhane, taking over for former “SNL” cast member Bowen Yang). Ashley Padilla’s Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem also showed up at the cabinet meeting, as did a pumped-up Secretary of War Pete Hegseth (Colin Jost).
You can watch the “SNL” cold open yourself below.
Jost’s Hegseth joined Johnson’s Trump in bragging about their Venezuela operation. “We went in, straight up stole their president. Yoink!” the Secretary of War explained. “In fact, we’ve been rocking out with our Cs out all over the world. We dumped on Venezuela. Next? We’re gonna sack-tap Iran.”
“I’m gonna put the Ayatollah in the cuck chair,” Jost’s Hegseth promised. “I’m gonna tell him, ‘If I Ayatollah, you once, Ayatollah you a thousand times. You don’t dare kill your protesters. That’s our thing!’”
The Secretary of War was not the only member of Trump’s cabinet in tonight’s “SNL” cold open to touch on the recent shooting of 37-year-old Renee Nicole Good by an ICE agent in Minneapolis. Padilla’s Noem also addressed the ongoing conflict in Minnesota between the state’s protesting citizens and the ICE agents deployed there.
“Obviously, there’s been clashes on both sides in Minneapolis, and have we been perfect? Yes,” Padilla’s Homeland Security Secretary said. “Just know, you can always count on me, because my last name is Noem. As in, ‘Do I have the situation under control? Noem, I don’t.’”
